I hear voices

There's this great country song out called "I hear voices" by Chris Young.  He sings about the voices he hears with advice from his parents regarding a variety of different things and points out how helpful they are when he has lost his way. 

I have always identified with this song because I too hear voices of advice and encouragement.  But, I have also fought with voices in my head that to be honest can be pretty negative at times.  I will have random thoughts just "pop" into my head.  I was having a rough week last week, and a random question showed up.  "Why can't I have the answer key?"  If you are a teacher or home schooling  mom, you know exactly what this is and know how very important that answer key can be.  I want the answer key to life.  I want to get it right.  I want to make the right decisions for myself and my family.  I don't want to mess up.  This is all good, but the desire to get it "right" all the time can result in frustration and feelings of not measuring up.

After pondering this for a day or two, I heard a voice in my head that reminded me that God has provided the answer key through His word.  Wow!!!!  The answers are all there.  No matter the situation, if I go to His word, He will lead me to His solution, His answer.  I want His answers.  Not the answers of my mind or the answers of this world, but His. 

I want to hear more of His voice, don't you?

Fighting Battles

Have you found yourself in the midst of battles lately?  I know I have.  Some of them are small battles - like the tons of laundry that needs to be done or the project deadline that is looming - but others are really big battles - like battles for our children, internal struggles, etc.  Whatever the battle, I am usually trying to figure out how to make everything work out, to make it all better (by my definition).  My husband would say it's because I like to be in control.  True....  so there's another battle, my battle to be in control when in reality there is not very much I have control over. 

I have been convicted that my desire to control equates to unbelief, and if my battles are to be won, I must have faith in The One who can win them on my behalf.  This can be difficult.  I wonder what if things don't work out the way I want them to or what if the process gets harder before anything changes.  This is why God reminds us in His word that all things work together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. (Romans 8:28).  And, He also tells us in Jeremiah 29:11 that He knows the plans He has for us.  Plans to prosper us and not to harm us.  Plans to give us a future and a hope.  And, God means what He says.  He is true to His word.  His ways may not always be our ways, but they do have a higher purpose. 

Maybe, just maybe these battles are to teach me to rely fully on God and not on myself.  Maybe, He needs me to get to my weakest point to cry out to Him and surrender it to Him.  Maybe, He wants to see me grow into the woman He has called me to be.  Maybe, just maybe, these battles will help me minister to others.

And so, I will learn to surrender.  I will learn to give the battles to Him.  Instead of problem solving in my power, I will start "prayer solving".  I discovered this term reading The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson (great book so far).  I will share with you a brief excerpt from the book that really ministered to me and got me thinking about the battles and my approach to them (and how my current approach needs to change).  Mark says in his book "Circling Jericho gave the Isrealites a 360-degree perspective of the walled promise.  It helped them wrap their spirits around the mud-brick miracle.  That is exactly what prayer does.  It helps you get outside the problem.  It helps you circle the miracle.  It helps you see all the way around the situation.  The Isrealites didn't conquer Jericho because of a brilliant military strategy or brute force.  They learned how to let the Lord fight their battles for them."
I'm tired of fighting the battles.  It's time to let go and let God fight them!!!

Brokenness

If He makes me whole, why do I feel so broken, like tiny pieces of glass shattered on the ground?  All beauty is gone.  Wholeness is no more, just pieces with sharp edges as a reminder of the pain.  What are you in this Lord?  Sometimes I can't see beyond the pieces, can't see how I could ever be completely whole again.

That's how He and I are different.  I naturally see from an earthly, human perspective while He has another perspective, and it is eternal.  He sees the uniqueness of those pieces, sees the sparkle and the shine, the beauty.  He sees the brokenness yet can see the finished piece, put back together to give a unique beauty never there before.

Give me eyes to see as you do, Lord.  When you shine your light, there is beauty - beauty in the midst of the brokenness.

"The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me, Because the Lord has anointed Me to preach good tidings to the poor; He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, and the day of the vengeance of our God; To comfort all who mourn, to console those who mourn in Zion, to give them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they may be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.  And they shall rebuild the old ruins, they shall raise up the former desolations, and they shall repair the ruined cities, the desolations of many generations.  Isaiah 61:1-4 NKJV

Trust

I'm one of those folks who wants to know how it ends.  You know... you're reading a really good book and you don't know if the guy is going to get the girl or you don't know "who done it".  I'm the one who will be a quarter to half way through the book and be so intrigued I will flip to the end of the book and read the last few pages and then go back.  Unfortunately, life doesn't work that way.  Wouldn't it be great (for me anyway) if it did?  Then, I would know that everything is going to be okay.  I would see the challenges and roadblocks ahead and would be able to see how we made it through. 

It all comes down to trust.  It is so difficult to trust in that which you cannot see.  I must remember that God's word says that He has plans to prosper me (and my family) and not to harm me, plans for my good.  Now, it doesn't say that there won't be pain and won't be things I don't understand.  He also says He will work all things together for good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.  I know God has a plan.  I don't know what it is yet I want to so badly.  Lord, help my unbelief.  Teach me to trust.  Give me wisdom.  Show me Your way.  Give me more of You.

Bullies must be stopped

Just when I begin to think the bullying issues are mostly out of the way.....they're not.  My daughter has been lying to me about it because she has been warned not to tell her mom about it any more.  Let's just say when I finally pulled that one out of her my heart was breaking.  Yet, I had to disguise it.  Instead of blurting out how angry I am, I ask her why she would listen to the other child and lie to me.  Well, I guess the consequences for lying to mom outweighed the fear of being punched.  I had to tell her that I am not mad at her although I am upset that she lied.  I want her to be able to tell me these things.  I want to talk them out with her and don't want her to internalize. 

I talked with her about how this makes her feel - sad and mad.  I asked her why she isn't standing up for herself.  It's too hard, and the behavior doesn't stop anyway.  She tells me she has to restrain herself because she really wants to punch the other child.  The only way she restrains is through prayer.  I again remind her she needs to pray for the child even though it is hard, and I can understand not wanting to pray for her. 

I just want to make it all better, but I don't know how.  I know there will always be mean people, but when you are in a school situation, there should be some sort of discipline.  I ask God for wisdom, for guidance in how to deal with it.  I don't want to deal based on my gut reaction.  I want to reach out to the school and give them a piece of my mind, but it wouldn't change anything.  To approach it in love with suggestions is the right thing to do, so I will wait and pray.  Pray for a change in my attitude, pray for this child, pray for my child, pray for the school officials, and pray that God would reveal to me exactly what I am to do and to say.

Hover Mothering

I've always been one of those "hovering" or "helicopter" moms.  Always close by, making sure my child doesn't get hurt, that everything's okay, protecting and preventing.  It's taken a long time with lots of failed attempts to prevent pain to realize some things are just out of my control.  It doesn't mean I won't still "hover".  I believe in being fully involved in our children's lives.  It does mean I need to practice a different approach.  An approach where I consider the things I can control, like ensuring she knows who she is in Christ, ensuring she understands the love her dad and I have for her, teaching her how to be kind to others, disciplining her when it is warranted, teaching her who God is and pointing her to Him in everything.

Whatever this world offers her with its ups and downs, pain and trials, may she always know the loving and healing power of her Savior and the love of her parents.  If she gets that, everything will be just fine!

Grace Enough

Listening to the radio I heard a song whose chorus hit me.  It was no longer just words.  I don't know the name of the song, but the chorus includes "Your grace is enough, Your grace is enough, Your grace is enough for me."  It's because of His grace that I can walk through each day.  His grace picks me up when I fall.  His grace is there when I feel like a failure, forgiving me and lifting me back up.  Without His grace, I am nothing. 

And because of His grace, I have a responsibility to extend grace to others.  Yep, that's right.  When I have been wronged or want justice to be served or am disciplining my child, I must also extend grace.  I must remember that there are times I "mess up" or don't respond as I should, etc, etc, and grace is extended to me.

I'm committing to remember to show more grace to others.  Won't you?